From Johannsons Press Clipping Service

To Ruth. M.D. Destroya Corporation

11/7/11

Ruth, Only one mention of Destroya in the final edition of NOTW. They do want to talk about the licensing deal to replace it with Destroya on Sunday, a tabloid with tits, scandal, sport, tits and poetry.

From NOTW

Final Edition 10/7/11

Fun Spot:

'Derek Pilkington from Manchester got into to trouble with the Law... and his wife when he misunderstood the instructions to do the 'Destroya Dismemberment Dance'. 'It says quiet clearly wear the pussy on your head' said the bemused idiot. A spokeswomen for Destroya plc said 'Mr Pilkington is quite clearly a Pratt!'

Pilkington.. Pratt

Memo

From Chief Inspector Kevin Gusset

To PM

July 13th 2009

Dear PM, Further to your request I have had our officers look into the notes of Glen Mulcaire and can confirm there does indeed seem to have been some hacking of the Destroya mobile phones. It seems the main target was Scud Crater. Transcript of the intercepted messages as follows:

Message 1) Mr Crater, its Barry at Top Hat Dry Cleaning. Mate I put the trousers through 3 times. That stain aint coming out!

Message 2) Scud, Its Ammo. I have a great idea for a new song about the political unrest in South East Asia. Its called 'shall I flick your greasy marble with the tip of my tongue Mrs Wong'. I have no words or indeed music for it but the title is a winner'.

Message 3) Scud, its Nicky. I am at the Wimpy. Do you want a bender in a bun as well as the Wimpy half pounder? Hang on a second... (talking to another person) of course I want diet cokes you prick. Do I look like a fucking rugby player... Sorry Scud, the Benders are off. Back in about 10minutes'.

Message 4) Mr Crater, its Brian Wiglesworth from Peppermint Hippos' in Slough. Thanks for visiting last night. Your custom is always welcome. Umm, our dancers. We appear to have several missing. I was wondering in you know what happened to them?

Message 5) Scud Baby, its Chantelle from Peppermint Hippos'. Thanks for last night. You were right. The liberal use of KY jelly did make being worn like a hat a lot less painful this time. My Diaphragm is still hanging down by my knees though.

Message 6) Scud, Its Soakie. A more nuanced version of the view we discussed yesterday adds some financial accelerators, or perhaps we should now call them decelerators. We obviously had a series of bank runs in mid-September, but not just by small depositors and not just on banks. We also had a situation where falling values for collateral triggered more asset sales (either for accounting reasons or due to market pressure of various kinds), and this led to further lowering of collateral..... These are my opening remarks for the IMF Christmas Party. Should I go with this or tell the joke about Katie Price's kid and chromosomes that MVD told us?

Message 7) Scud, Its Lydia. You have not licked my Juicy Burger for ages. When are you coming down to the Red Lion again?

Message 8) Scud its Ammo, got another one. Its a mixed metaphor type thing for Joe Orton and modern society reliance on reality tv type stuff. Its called 'Put down the hammer Geri Halliwell, Edna Wellthorpes coming for ya!' Again I don't have any lyrics or music but the titles a start.

Message 9) Scud, Its Marc. Got this great website for you. its www.x9nww92t5hblkb*%2@±±§§=;;.com. Its brilliant. Its much better than www.[oivc50187hiub:;)) kjpijab[pij @£!£&(^%$&)```~~~"?LM<.com.

Message 10) Mr Crater sir, Its Adul from Egham Tandoori. Just to let you know your order comes to £1,269.32 and will be with you within 20 minutes or you get the Poppadoms on us. Thank you come again.

For the sake of the nation the NOTW has agreed not to publish any of the above.

Yours

Kevin Gussett