By staff reporter. 8.11.12

What did the studio heads in Hollywood say when they got to their offices yesterday morning?  Probably ‘Oh Fuck’ at the news coming out of the UK. Calanders hastily looked at to see which of their summer blockbusters would clash with what is certain to be the biggest movie of 2013.

They then announced that Superman, Iron Man 3, The Hangover 3 and Star Trek 2 have all been switched to 2014. The leviathan is coming!

The announcement, as it where, came from Ruth, Head of Destroya plc/corporation that in addition to a proposed world tour of Germany and Holland (again), Several albums that are still floating round Ammo’s head, the ‘London’ Album, 4 books, a jewellery range, 5 different after shaves:  ‘The smell of Dump’, ‘A whif of Crater’, ‘Essence of Domefur’, ‘Smell my Virtual Dildo’ and ‘Aroma of Vest’ (with added Fabreeze), Ruth also slipped in that June 2013 will see the first feature film from Dismemberment Records, through their media division ‘Lick my juicy burger films’.

The film, which is based on an idea by that waitress at the Red Lion, no not Lydia or Sarah, but the other older one we don’t talk to very much.  The film is based on a character that is based on Scud Crater, and will follow the story of how one man aims to cause as much hilarity as well as chaos in every bar and restaurant he goes to.  It is also the story of a women and 2 children who despite the constant roaring and Frankie Howard impressions still stick by their man, usually by ignoring him.

 A cast including Megan Fox as the wife, Zac Effron as the Son, Jessica Alba as the daughter, with Samuel L Jackson as Ammo Dump, Daniel Day Lewis as Soakie Vest, Gerrard Butler as Marc Virtual Dildo, Timmy Mallett as Nicky Domefur and Vince Vaughn as Scud Crater.

 Guest  stars to include Lionel Blair, Denzel Washington, Ray Winston, The female cast members of Geordie Shore,  Dustin Hoffman, Ant but not Dec,  Daniel Craig, Uma Thurman, Kurstin Dunst, Charlieze Theron and Warrick Davies.

No details of what parts they all play, but it’s a good bet that the Geordie Shore girls will be involved in some kind of dismemberment dance scene and as the script is being written by Ammo Dump I expect that Kirsten Dunst will have a scene where she gets off with Dump behind the bike shed.

The Title. 'The Instigator'

The movie starts filming on the 4^th of June 2013 with a release date of 8^th June 2013, just 5 days later.