The Culture of Destroya: Cars of the Stars

From: Lady Paste PR

To: Ruth, Head of Destroya Corporation

Ruth, as we discussed I have now secured a deal with the Economist to run a weekly competition about Destroya in 5 editions. The plan is to heighten the bands profile with the affluent ABC1's who will be the target audience of the new 'Destroya Opus'. As the cover price is £1,500 a copy.

I was thinking each weeks prize could be a personal item from each band member. The prize line is £12.54 per text or £7.12 per minute to call. Proceeds split as follows: 89% to Destroya Corp. 7% to the economist, 3% to the phone company and 1% to the 'Feed to Spanish donkeys' charity

My Suggestions for prizes are as follows:

Week 1 ) The match program from Manchester Utd where Soakie pretended to want to buy the club, went out on the pitch to do a bit of ball juggling and instead pooed on the centre circle.

Week 2) A copy of the video of MVD's 'This Is Your Life' episode, but the one which includes the deleted scene where Michael Aspel brings on Cliff Richard and MVD beats him to a bloody pulp!

Week 3) The letter that Ian McCulloch wrote confirming that "The Killing Moon' was actually called 'Killing Moon' and also a copy of the arrest warrant issued by Mersyside Police for Nicky kidnapping McCulloch and forcing him to write it.

Week 4) A chance for attractive female readers to have Scud Crater do a personal 1 on 1 (or should that be 1 in 1) dismemberment dance. If the winner is not attractive enough a substitute prize of a family bucket of Venky's chicken will be offered instead.

Week 5) A copy of the book 'Leeds, my part in their downfall and inevitable rise back to world domination', signed by the authors, Ammo Dump, Alan Smith and Kerry Katona.